How Love Ends: My ex said ‘Today feels like Christmas’ when I broke up with him

How Love Ends, a series by Pulse Nigeria brings you the raw and real stories of people who have loved and lost. Each story narrates the accounts of what led to the end of their once-promising relationships.

This week, we hear from a woman about her experience in a relationship that involved heartbreak and changing circumstances.

We met in my first year of university and dated for almost two years before breaking up near the end of my second year.

Back then, he was struggling financially and living in a mud house with no modern amenities like a toilet or bathroom. Everyone used a shared bathing area with an aluminium roof. Coming from a comfortable family, I had my own hostel with food and everything a student needs. Despite the difference in our living situations, I would happily visit him and endure with him. I had plenty of food in my dorm, but I left it to spend time with him.

He would typically have garri to drink for breakfast and lunch, and I would join him with joy, believing it was true love. I guess you could say I was a very understanding girlfriend. Sometimes, I’d bring some of my food and we’d share it. Other times, if he managed to get food from home, we’d eat together. He was my first love and the one who took my virginity so, even when my friends advised me to break up with him because of his financial situation, I didn’t listen.

We were at peace for a while until my boyfriend’s financial situation improved. He moved to a nicer hostel, started dressing better, and generally became more comfortable. Then, I noticed a shift in his attitude towards me. He wouldn’t pick up my calls or respond to my messages as frequently as he used to. I confronted him about it and he kept saying he was busy. When I tried to visit him, he’d make excuses about being busy and discourage me from coming over. This behaviour made me suspect him of cheating.

So, after being ignored for a while, I decided to visit him unannounced one day. When I got to his new hostel, he didn’t answer the door. I sensed that he had a girl inside. After waiting for over an hour at the gate, he came out and said I should have called beforehand. I never used to call before coming so it sounded strange to me. He then tried to dismiss me, suggesting I return to my hostel and we’d talk later because he was going out. He took me to the bus stop where I would take a bike back to my hostel and he boarded a bus that wasn’t full yet.

Suspecting that he wasn’t actually going anywhere, I asked the motorbike rider to drop me off somewhere nearby. Returning to the bus stop, I confirmed that he wasn’t on board. Finally, I spotted him walking back to his hostel. I confronted him about contradicting his statement about going out. He resorted to gaslighting, accusing me of monitoring and following him. He later admitted the relationship wasn’t working for him anymore and confessed that he was cheating on me with someone else.

I felt embarrassed, betrayed and devasted. I returned to my hostel crying. Days later, refusing to accept he actually broke up with me, I texted him a message ending the relationship myself. His response was incredibly hurtful. He simply replied, “Today feels like Christmas.”

His response shattered me, but, I knew I had to move on with my life and focus on my studies. It became clear that he was a distraction.

Two years later, he reached out, claiming he preferred me to the woman he left me for. Apparently, she wasn’t interested in him but only in his money. I told him he hadn’t appreciated my worth back then, and not every woman would tolerate his behaviour.

One important lesson I learned from that relationship is to build yourself first as a woman. When you invest in yourself and build your own success, you will naturally attract successful men. You have no business having a boyfriend in your first year of college. Focus on your studies, build your grades and avoid distractions.