Why We Broke Up: He said I was too fat and I was starving myself for him

Why We Broke Up, a series by Pulse Nigeria, brings you the raw and real stories of people who have loved and lost. Each story narrates the accounts of what led to the end of their once-promising relationships.

This week, Dami shares her journey through a relationship that transitioned from affection to affliction, and body image issues that attempted to shatter her self-esteem.

I met Shola through my neighbour. I went into my neighbour’s room to borrow a knife from his girlfriend and saw Shola there. Later that evening, he came to my room and asked if we could talk. He said he wanted to be friends. Shola and I were friends for two months before we started dating.

We had great times together. He made me feel loved. He encouraged me to ask him for things instead of my parents and even took me on my first date. I hadn’t dated before, so at 21, starting a relationship with Shola was a big step.

I had waited for someone who would love me, so you can imagine how special it felt when he treated me well. We had a great first year together before things started to change.

I was a size 12 when we met, and he never complained about my weight initially. But after a year, he began commenting on my body shape and suggesting I go to the gym. He also criticised me for asking my parents for money. He offered to open a shop for me, but I declined because I planned to leave the state after graduation. Also, I knew my dad wouldn’t approve.

Shortly after the ASUU strike, I went home and stayed for 8 months. I returned a size 18. That’s when things got worse. He stopped visiting me and only allowed me to come to his place at night. Any time I sleep over, he will constantly wake me up to complain about my snoring. He took every opportunity to remind me that I was overweight and unattractive and that no one would date a fat girl.

I kept my feelings to myself because I loved him and he was my first boyfriend.

Desperate to lose weight, I started starving myself, which made me faint during an exam. I had carryovers that semester.

Early in 2023, he told me to my face that he was seeing another woman and asked me not to visit his place because she was coming over. He said she was independent and fit, his ideal type.

Devastated, I confided in my best friend, who was shocked by my situation and questioned why I endured his mistreatment. We dated for almost three years, and I believed that enduring his harsh treatment was the only way to maintain the relationship, especially as he was my first boyfriend. Plus, who wants to date a fat girl? My best friend helped me realise I deserved better and encouraged me to break up with him. I did.

I eventually left school, started an eyelash extension business, and focused on rebuilding my life.

The experience was traumatic, but I’ve moved on and he’s now with someone else.

You have to love yourself before committing to a relationship. If you ever find yourself in a similar situation, confide in friends or family. They can help you escape a toxic relationship and heal.