Dear Pulse,
Some months ago, while I was at my boyfriend’s house, there was a knock at the door. When he answered, I heard a commotion outside. It sounded like an argument about a woman who was pregnant and claiming he was the father. When he returned inside, I asked him, and he denied it, saying he only met her once. He said his cousin who lived with him at the time was responsible, and the cousin ran away. Eventually, the woman involved the police, and he agreed to give her monthly support.
We tried to move forward, but things got worse. On Facebook, I saw messages where he pressured a woman into sending him a video pleasuring herself despite being on her period and then asked her to clean up afterwards. There were also chats with other women where he requested sexual pictures while claiming to be looking for a life partner and even asking to meet their families. Meanwhile, we were supposedly planning our marriage, but whenever the month arrived for him to follow through, he’d make excuses.
Finally, on Easter Sunday, I was on a call for a long time with a male friend, which upset him. He ended up slapping me twice. I broke things off, but he begged for forgiveness, and I took him back.
Yesterday was his birthday. He went out with friends, and when I tried to video call him, he refused. Regular calls resulted in him repeatedly saying “hello” without listening, and then he would hang up as if the network was bad.
I love him so much; the relationship has gone on for years, and I’m at a loss about what to do next.
Dear Lade,
Love can be so blinding. When we are in love, we tend to look at red flags through rose-coloured glasses. We make excuses for our partners and hold out hope, that one day they’ll change. But people rarely change.
Trust is the foundation of every romantic relationship. When it’s gone, there’s nothing to stand on. He has repeatedly broken your trust by lying and cheating on you.
Perhaps everything else he has done can be forgiven if you so wish to, but violence is inexcusable. No one should ever be in this situation in a relationship. Also, there is data to show that if he hits you once, he will hit you again.
It’s not the length of a relationship that matters but the sweetness. I’m rooting for you.
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